all alone

Evan is off fulfilling his fantasies in Africa, playing with baby chimpanzees and calling it research, on his way to becoming an envied researcher in his field...

and what am I doing?

I'm allllllllllllll aaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllloooooooooonnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

actually i'm reading a horribly depressing affidavit written by one of my clients social workers about how her husband sexually molested their daughter. They're both from Africa, and she explains the culture there to be super oppressive towards women, and she had no concept of what a standard boundary between a father and a daughter was supposed to be. And neither did he, obviously, he said he was teaching his daughter how to be a woman. His daughter is 7.

enough of that.

Barack Obama today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what I'm praying for more, for Evan to arrive safely or for Obama to kick ass in both primaries tonight.

woooeee

So I was reading creative ways to spend the stimulus check, ranging from window blinds to vacays to paying off credit card debt to buying 41 copies of Ron Paul's Revolution (dumb idea), and I think I've come up with the perfect solution.

My check will only be 300 dollars. But I've always wanted to do a few things out and about in Raleigh, NC, and I'll use my stimulus payment to fund these efforts. And I can talk about them because, guess what, NOBODY READS THIS BLOG!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!


First, and Foremost, add the two letters U and N to the front of Planned Parenthood, for a more truthful title of "UnPlanned Parenthood".

Secondly, add the letters "EAK" to the end of all the street signs that say "Salisbury St" in the effort to increase motorists desire for tasty Salisbury Steaks on sale at your local golden corral, thus stimulating the service industry AND ALSO helping out your local friendly illegal immigrant employers.

and last, but not least, print out thousands of flyers that have a picture of said local friendly illegal immigrant giving the thumbs up, with the words "ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FOR PRESIDENT 2008" scrawled across the top. Hopefully this will take the hispanic vote away from Hillary, boosting Obama to the top.

so really i think the most expensive thing here would be a giant ladder to reach the downtown street signs (those effers are tall), and depending on whether or not I can sweet talk the home depot dudes into lending me a huge ladder, maybe I can save my stimulus check all together.

which brings us back to the dilemma in the first place -- what am i going to spend my 300 dollars on?

Maybe I'll get a goat and ride around town so people like me as much as they like this guy: